Being Emerald Read online

  The fact he looked shocked she’d stopped him was a good testament to how good she’d learned rule number one.

  “I’m putting a plug in your ass.” He’d said the words as if it were a perfectly natural thing to do.

  A blush heated her cheeks. Humiliation, was an unfamiliar feeling that took her a moment to identify. This was so much weirder than the tampon removal. She put her panties back on. “I need a minute.” The words barely past her lips, Laila scrambled up the stairs two at a time. Just outside her bedroom door, she looked over her shoulder.

  Rock stood at the foot of the stairs.

  She turned back, escaping his gaze and closed her bedroom door behind her. Still needing another door between them, she hurried into her master bathroom, and locked that door. She threw a folded towel over the cold toilet lid and sat, brought her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms around her legs.

  During the past six weeks, she’d lost herself and any dignity she’d ever had. Somewhere in the back of her head, she’d thought maybe he would be attracted to her if he saw qualities he liked. Maybe, if she ran farther, fought harder and submitted to his bizarre training practices she’d make up for her mediocrity. She didn’t know when, exactly, that thought process had started. Almost from the beginning, she’d let him do anything he wished in the name of training, hoping he’d like what he saw, and maybe, someday, have feelings for her, as she did for him. She’d died a thousand little deaths from all the indifference he’d displayed when given the opportunity to fuck her.

  Why did she continue to let him do these intense things to her? She didn’t have to think too hard for the answer. She loved him…and the thrill. Their fireworks packed an exhilarating wallop. Add some slightly deviant behavior to the mix and she flew.

  Nothing felt better than his happiness, and it surged during his kinky little games and pleasure/pain punishments. In turn, his bolstered hers, giving her happiness squared. She was addicted to happiness squared. She would do anything for happiness squared, and that included everything his twisted mind could think up. She wanted to give back, fulfill his needs, like he did for her.

  “Shit,” she whispered into the total silence of the room. Where was her line? She didn’t have one when it came to him. Especially when it seemed as if he loved her most when she gave everything up for him to control.

  Hiding there in her bathroom, she forced herself to face what she’d become, acknowledging she would do anything for this man.

  She deflated and shook her head, staying there in the silence for a long time, mulling over their interactions. He was his own contradiction. Sweet and cruel. Demanding and giving. Closed off and yet willing to be an open book to her.

  She couldn’t imagine not continuing this life they’d crafted together. She was already tangled in these unorthodox bonds with him. Questioning what she was doing at this late date seemed comparable to looking both ways after stepping into the road. It was just too late. She sighed, relaxing a bit. And, that was okay.

  She focused on the door. She expected him to come find her. To burst through and tell her to suck it up and get ready for training, but he didn’t.

  She wanted him to. God, she wanted him to, but his absence was also a lesson. There were some decisions she had to make for herself.

  When she finally left the bathroom, it was with a new understanding of what she’d do to keep the man she loved. She rounded the corner at the bottom of the steps and found him sitting in the same chair. That magnificent, scary man met her gaze and smiled at her. He saved most of the disagreeable beast for others. For her, he was mostly a gentle giant.

  “I worry that I’m too much for you.” His deep, rich voice resonated through the room and raised goose bumps on her arms.

  “You’re not.”

  “It’s nothing to be ashamed of. I’d be too much for any normal woman.”

  She walked over, sat on his lap and wrapped her arms around his neck. “Rock, I love you just the way you are.”

  His beautiful brown eyes softened. “I know what I ask of you is hard.” He shrugged. “I want what I want, and I don’t like to argue about it. It doesn’t mean I love you less, respect you less. What you see is what you get. No games. When I’m angry, you’ll know it. I get my pound of flesh and it’s over. When I want to spank your ass, or fuck it. I do that, too. I need to be in control. But, you have to know, you have the ultimate power. You can walk away any time you want. And I wouldn’t blame you a bit. We’ll call it a short, beautifully intense and”—he smiled—“quite sweet affair, if you want to.”

  He was offering her a way out. She didn’t want out. “No, baby. You’re not getting off that easy. I plan on being a thorn in your side for quite some time to come. I love you, Rock. And, I’m beginning to understand you. But you have to understand too. Mostly, I love the unconventional aspects of our relationship. Sometimes I don’t.”

  “Okay, but you have to admit that occasionally what you don’t like still excites on other levels. How do you know if you don’t try? Look how much you’ve come to enjoy your spankings.” He pointed at her. “Don’t deny it.” She held her hands up. “Not denying, but when I say stop, you stop.”

  His expression turned serious. “Always have.” He held up the butt plug and lube bottle. “Are you ready?”

  “As ready as I’ll ever be.”

  “Trust me,” he said and gave her a quick kiss.

  Laila bent over Rock’s lap and dropped her hands to the wood floor. He pressed the cool, slippery toy in her anus, slowly nudging in and back with slight, gentle moves. It graduated in size as he continued to push, stretching her rear farther with each back and forth movement. She wanted to cry out, her lips parting and the yell a heartbeat away from being released, when the ring of muscles in her ass found a comfortable resting place at the base of the plug.

  Rock gave her rear end a quick slap, moving the device wedged inside her. “You can put your panties back on.”

  She groaned and pushed herself upright.

  His fiery gaze didn’t disguise the satisfaction and lust pouring off him. “Every time you become aware of that plug in your ass, you are to take five seconds to assess your surroundings and lay eyes on me. Now get dressed. It’s time to go.”

  Laila leaned over to pick her panties off the floor and the plug shifted inside her. “Oh, fuck no.” She was caught off guard by the constant intrusion of the thing.

  Rock gave her a knowing smile, only one side of his lips curling up.

  She growled at him, and he chuckled. “I think it’s going to be a long day for both of us. Get dressed. I’ll meet you at the truck in fifteen.” He turned and left her there.

  No breakfast? He was definitely still mad at her. “Dammit,” she whispered as she got dressed and headed out for another day of brutal training.

  After they did their usual morning routine, Laila sat alone, sweating in the shade of a shed, when she spotted Sydney heading her way with long confident strides. Long and lean, she was pretty from far away and gorgeous close up. The woman’s jade green eyes were stunning against her dark coloring. Something different this time, though. Her uniform was black instead of the usual camouflage of the National Guard and tailored as precisely as a second skin.

  A pin flashed momentary reflections of the sun as she moved. It was an eagle frozen in the moment before a strike, wings spread, talons ready to grab its prey. The lapel pin was the symbol identifying Morgan’s trusted inner circle. Sydney was a Black Guard, now. In a zone where being a Sapphire was barely tolerable, that pin went a long way toward improving her pedigree.

  Laila didn’t understand the fanatical allegiances this new breed of National Guardsmen had to Morgan. To them, it didn’t matter that his words and ideas were irrational. Those seemingly intelligent people swallowed ridiculous ideologies to fanatic proportions in exchange for the power and prestige the Black Guard status provided.

  As Sydney neared, the combination
of smirk and disdain parked on her face made her look as if she were snarling. Laila groaned to herself. The vibe the woman gave off was pure poison. This encounter was going to be unpleasant.

  “Where’s Rock?” she asked, towering over Laila’s wilted body.

  “He went inside to use the restroom.”

  Sydney looked over her shoulder at the main building and then pegged Laila with a blatant look of contempt. “I just wanted to tell him I had a good time last night.” Her lips curled in a malicious smile.

  “Last night?”

  “He must have needed some real training after being with you for the last month. We took a few turns on the mats. I didn’t think he’d ever let me go home. It was the wee hours of the morning when I was finally able to get out from underneath him. I’m sore in all the right places.” She smirked. “He’s good. At everything, don’t you think?”

  Laila’s mouth dropped open at the innuendo. At Sydney’s satisfied expression, she snapped it shut.

  “I wouldn’t know,” she said softly.

  Sydney smirked. “Well, I suppose you wouldn’t. A man like that needs someone more like him. Maybe someone who’s not an Amber under all those layers of ink.” She looked pointedly at Laila’s wrist.

  The woman didn’t know anything about him. “Rock grew up Amber.”

  “I know. But look at him, there’s nothing substandard about him.” She stepped closer to Laila and murmured. “Not like you.” Sydney wrinkled her nose. “You’re revolting. I can smell you from here. I don’t know how he can stand being around you.”

  Over Sydney’s shoulder, Laila spotted Rock’s exit from the building. Relief must have flickered in her eyes, because the bitch straightened and pasted on a smile while turning to greet Rock as he approached.

  No, Sydney didn’t know him at all. If she did, she’d be able to tell how unbelievably angry he’d become when he’d caught sight of her. Eyes blazing and jaw tight, he stopped near them.

  A person didn’t have to be an empath to know he was very, very pissed.

  * * * *

  Rock’s gaze traveled over Sydney and then met Laila’s. He saw her hurt plain as day. Tilting his head slightly, he questioned her without a word, and she cast a glance at Sydney.

  He turned his attention to the woman he’d instinctually hated since the day they’d met. Something about her was…wrong, somehow. Prior to Laila entering his world, he’d thought it was because she never bothered to disguise her lust. And, at the time, lust directed at him from anybody other than Emily sickened him. He’d always treated her politely, but avoided her as much as possible.

  His life and perspective changed when Laila appeared, but still his intuition red-flagged Sydney.

  “Hey, Rock,” the woman said cheerfully. Her eyes shone with the lust he’d seen so many times before. It turned his stomach, especially now that he knew who she’d allowed inside her body.

  “Sydney.” There was no doubt Laila had just been victim to another verbal attack, so he didn’t spare her another glance. As he put a hand to the small of Sydney’s back, leading her away from Laila, he simultaneously gave Laila the signal to hold.

  “Two days in a row, Rock? I think you might be following me.”

  He didn’t reply to Sydney’s playful accusation. Rage had taken over. There was no fucking way Laila was going to fall victim to her in any way. It was imperative he stopped the bullshit now.

  They were about a hundred feet away from Laila when he stopped and faced Sydney. Satisfaction shone in her expression as she turned to face him. She registered the glower he gave her in return, and her smile faltered. She broke eye contact and crossed her arms over her chest. He saw that action for what it was, an unconscious response in an effort to hide her bad behavior. “I thought I’d made it perfectly clear to you that any communication you had with Laila would go through me.”

  “You did. We weren’t talking, really. I just stopped to say hi.”

  Rock was almost disappointed in the woman’s inability to conceal her guilt. He tried to maintain a calm, even voice through his fury. His head swam with the implications of how much access Sydney would have to Laila outside New Atlanta.

  He stepped closer to her, until mere inches separated their bodies. A ghost of Sydney’s smirk returned as she lifted her eyes to meet his gaze. She was pretty, and knew it.

  “Still with the fuck-me eyes, Sydney. Save yourself the embarrassment. I’m not interested.”

  She shrank from him. Clearly unused to anyone challenging her.

  “Laila has too much on her plate to have you adding your particular brand of bitchy to the mix.” He stepped toward her again, making up the space she’d put between them, and leaned in so his livid expression was the only thing she saw. “Since it seems you didn’t quite understand my first request to leave her alone, I’m going to make this second request perfectly clear with words you understand.”

  He held his index finger up in front of her nose. “Number one, she is an Emerald. And as a Black Guard, I know you’re aware of the difference in your respective statuses. It is inappropriate for you to engage her unless she asks you a direct question.”

  He raised a second finger to the first. “Two, our sparring last night was my attempt at assessing whether you’re good enough to be on this mission. I’m an Emerald, and it is against the law for us to engage in any type of relationship whatsoever. And for the record, I’d rather kiss a hair-covered, piss-soaked bathroom mop than have any part of my body touch any part of yours in a sexual way. And, Laila is aware of this. So you just made a complete fool of yourself.”

  He added another upturned finger to the first two. “Three. This is the last time I’m going to have this discussion with you.” He leaned in further and she was forced to arch backward to maintain distance between them. Her eyes were wide as he got in her face, showing the full measure of his fury. “If you speak to her or do anything to upset her in any way, I will grind you to dust, and then I’ll report your attempts to engage me sexually, and let Morgan deal with what’s left. Are we clear?”

  Sydney swallowed hard then nodded. “Yeah, we’re clear.”

  “Good. Now get the fuck away from me before I change my mind.” With those last words, he turned to where Laila waited for him. Her face was a mask, not giving away any of her thoughts or feelings as he approached. She was getting good at that.

  He smiled at his girl. She didn’t smile back.

  When he reached her, he offered her a hand up. “You ready for lunch?”

  She walked beside him to the building. “What did you say to her?”

  “I told her to leave you alone. From now on, if she has anything to say to you, she should go through me. If she doesn’t, let me know.”

  “Okay.” She was breathless as she scrambled, trying to keep up with his long strides. “She made innuendoes you and her were together last night.”

  “Excellent. I read you correctly. It was a good test of our training. Unplanned, but effective just the same.”

  “Were you?” She studied his profile.

  He answered her question with silence, because he couldn’t immediately find the words she needed. Plus, her doubt didn’t sit well with him. It only added fuel to his fury over Sydney’s verbal attack.

  “You didn’t answer my question about you and Sydney last night.”

  “I came here last night to work out. Or, to be more precise, to get away from you. I needed you to learn to hold, but I was having a hard time letting you. I left so I could stay away.”

  Laila’s heart twisted. “So you were with that bitch?”

  “The bitch is fucking Morgan. Do you honestly think I’d stick my dick in her?” Couldn’t she feel the absolute love he felt for her? “You should know me better, trust me more than that by now. You’re in my bed. That means no one else is. Same goes, the other way around. “We clear?”

  Through her empathic connection, she felt the truth.
He loved her. “Yes, clear.”

  Chapter 14

  Laila was on cloud nine. It had taken a month, but she’d downed Rock on the mat. Her hand-to-hand moves had transformed from randomly sprinting at him and screaming like a banshee, to more thought-out strategies and softer, increasingly graceful falls. Then, when she’d swept her leg, taking his out from under him, and elbowed him in the eye socket, she’d truly done it. She’d knocked that smug bastard on his ass.

  This was the highlight of an already great week. She’d gotten a few messages from her mother through Big Rock. And, she hadn’t felt a second of loneliness in weeks. She was giddy, a feeling she hadn’t had in years. It energized her. She wanted to laugh and play like a little kid.

  “And it just gets better!” she announced with her arms pumped up in triumph.

  Rock stood with his head in the fridge. “What does?”

  “I’m clean. I’m dressed. And, I feel okay, no aches and pains today. Let’s celebrate.” It had still been a brutally hot and physically demanding day, but her body was changing. She was leaner, her muscles were more defined and now, didn’t protest their use.

  “What do you have in mind?”

  “I don’t know. It’s cooler outside than in. I wish we could lay a blanket out on the green in the Amber Zone. Watch the sunset. Lie under the stars.”

  “I wish we could, too.” Then a long, slow smile spread across his face. “But I think I might have the next best thing.” He looked her up and down before opening the refrigerator again. “Run across the street, get some shoes on and we’ll go.”

  She didn’t ask where. By now, she knew the answer she’d get verbatim: Don’t question your training. Plus, not knowing what was going to happen didn’t faze her as much as it used to. She’d learned to follow Rock’s lead and trusted him enough to not be worried about what he had planned.

  He was in her living room when she reached the bottom of the steps.

  “Ready?”

  She slipped her hand into his. “More than ready.”